The Changes I See in You
by CelestialHeavens1
Summary: The Tony who found her was not the one that she left behind. Set 7x01. Part of the Lies We Tell universe, but would also work on it's own as a one-shot from 7x01. Internalized slow burn Tiva.


A/N: Set in Ziva's POV during 7x01 between when the team finds Ziva and when they arrive home. Everything in parentheses is pretty much Ziva's subconscious that's fighting against her more rational thoughts - or more basically, her head versus her heart. This is still while Ziva wants Tony around, but doesn't want to admit she wants Tony around.

* * *

The Tony who found her was not the one that she left behind at the beginning of the summer. He had changed in a thousand, minuscule ways. Every time she looked, she saw something different, something that had not been that way before she had left. (She hated the thought that she might have done this to him, whatever this was.)

He had lost weight in her time away, though he seemed to have regain some in muscle. She wanted to buy him a pizza with extra meat and watch him eat it, no matter how disgusting a meal that was. (He was not as soft as she was used to him being and it was throwing her off.)

He held himself differently, stiffer, more military almost, but not quite. More alert maybe. There was something incredibly familiar about it, but not something she ever associated with Tony. Not something she had ever wanted to associate with Tony. She did not like that it was all that came to mind now. (There was a coldness to him she had only ever associated with the men she worked beside at her father's orders.)

His eyes would not meet hers. To be fair, she could not meet his eyes either. Every time she looked at him, she saw him on the floor with Michael, both bloodied and broken. It might have been better for everyone if she had died in Somalia. Perhaps then he could have mourned her and moved on. (She tried very hard to ignore the voice in the back of her mind that said that Tony would have still come to Somalia if she had been dead. He would have sought revenge for her death, rather than a result. How had they even known she was there?)

In the hospital, it was Gibbs and Tim who had stayed with her. Tony had hovered from the doorway until he disappeared. His wounds were mostly superficial, like Tim's. They had been treated quickly. There was no reason for him to leave, but she had not questioned it because she hated being in the same room as him.

(She needed him though. She wanted him to hold her hand and tell her this is all real. She wanted him to look her in the eyes and say he could not live without her. In a way, she was glad he had gone. She might have said something she would have regretted. She could remember the betrayal in his eyes when she had pointed the gun at his chest in Israel. She had hurt him and he kept coming back for more. It was better that he stayed away now, for both of their sakes.)

"Something wrong, Ziva?" Tim asked as they got onto the cargo plane that Gibbs had arranged for. She kept looking out, watching. Tony still had yet to show back up, in fact, he had not shown up since he disappeared at the hospital. Tim backtracked immediately though, as if he realized how stupid a question that was. "I mean, is there something... what's wron- what's going on?"

She shook her head to Tim's question, but her heart clenched. Were they going to leave without Tony?

Gibbs boarded, but he was also alone.

"What are you waiting for? Get strapped in, both of you," he ordered, sitting down and doing just that.

"Boss, what about Tony?" It seemed she was not the only one with that question, but she was grateful that she did not have to be the one to ask.

"I'm here," Tony said over the roar of the engines as he signaled for the cargo door to be closed and Ziva let out a breath she did not know she had been holding.

Tony buckled in and leaned back as if nothing was wrong. As if this were just some normal day. As if he had never disappeared.

She decided to take a chapter from his book and did the same, head against the stiff seat, keeping her eyes on him as the plane took off. She thought he might look her way, but he simply closed his eyes and did not speak again until they hit U.S. airspace. (By then, she had no idea what she would say to him anyway.)


End file.
